Beauty

If I were to post a picture of myself would you say it was pretty? Would you say that my eyes are beautiful? Would you like the way the shadows fall upon my face? Would you compliment me at all? Or, would you say that its just nice. Cool pic. Nice portrait. Perhaps you would say nothing at all and wonder why I posted it and for what purpose. We as humans or better yet....for myself as a woman, like to have some attention. Men know that because they like to give it. They like to make us hear them saying ' you look beautiful' because we then look at them in return and open up. Does that mean we open Pandora's box? For some they want men to go into their box.....ha ha. We...especially me...just plain like to be told every once in a very blue moon that I look good. That I am attractive. That it is ME that one likes to look at. Yet, when I see others getting the attention that I lack it makes me look inside and wonder where am I broken? Why is it that every man in my life likes to look at other woman accept for me? Look away my men....look all you want to but please don't forget about the one who is standing here right next to you! Why is it that every man I have ever loved has never said that I am beautiful on more than one occasion (the initial...hook,line, and sinker 'you look beautiful')? So when a stranger says to me...hey, you are beautiful don't you know? I say...nope. Don't know it. Never hear it. Never told it other than an occasional 'you look nice'.

I ask too much. I need to accept that fact that I, unlike all the other beautiful, fantabulous, gorgeous, picture posting woman out there, will never ever ever be beautiful in the sense that someone would ever find me attractive enough to say more than once....you Erica are beautiful, your eyes are beautiful, I like the way you look, I love your pictures, I am very attracted to your beauty, You look fantabulous....blah blah blah. Never. Because after all I am the physical real bodied human being that has flaws and is imperfect and perhaps not as beautiful as the floozies that put pictures up for attention. (i know i know...I once did that too but learned quickly the shallow men that it attracted and found it was not the true me nor the type of man I wanted to associate with)

I tell my girlfriends all the time...you are so beautiful. I tell my kids constantly you are so beautiful. I tell strangers (if the opportunity was there) you are beautiful! I tell anyone that is sad and wondering what is wrong with them....that they....they are beautiful to me. You see, beauty is NOT just a physical means but a deep knowing and seeing of someones soul. To be attracted to just the physical beauty is shallow. Period. To see both is fantastical. I don't want to go another day feeling this way. This is just stupid and I am too freaking old to be wondering if I am pretty or ever will be truly beautiful to someone. So I post my picture out there for the world to see.....tell me. Am I beautiful???????? When you look at this picture what would you say?

Am I looking for someone to hit on me? No way....do I want to feel pretty? Hell yes. Do I want to be beautiful? I think I am...but not in the sense that MOST men think of a woman being beautiful. I think I have beauties inside that radiate outwardly. I think anyone can be beautiful, have beautiful eyes, beautiful skin, beautiful posture...once that person sees the inside beauty and the soul they see the absolutely beautiful physical person in front of them and no one else can compare. So tell me big wide public world for all to see....(or for the few that don't even bother to look) What do you see? I am human and I want to know. happydae@comcast.net

~E