Lost message...

I know you won't ever read this so I don't know why I write it. They say I am a little off balance, and perhaps I am but I miss you. I miss you yet, I don't want to talk to you. How odd can that be? I feel disconnected at times and you bring me back to the world of reality. You bring me back but yet I don't want to come back. At times I want to be alone and then there are times when I want you all around me. I know you don't need me like I need you, heck I know you don't even love me yet I madly love you. I look at other women like me and say I will never be like them and don't understand their way of thinking yet, here I am. I believe I am strong but I am very very weak. I am weak because I create a vicious circle.

I say I don't need you but I crave you every day. You are like a drug to me. I am in denial to my addiction. Hello, my name is 'E' and I am a lost soul. Will someone carry me away? Will someone hold my hand and lead to me the place that I belong? You make me laugh, you make me smile, but you also make me cry and feel lonlier than I have ever felt before. I want to run to you so I can feel that adrenaline rush of joy and happiness and of course your warm arms around me. Once the rush is down I want to crawl away like a dog with my tail between my legs...alone and sad because I am all alone anyway. Alone in my feelings and alone in my place of darkness. You won't read this I know. You never do...so it doesn't really matter. As you have alluded to before...I am a whiner so its just as well that you don't read my blogs. Its just as well. I write openly because someone will read it and that alone puts my mind at a slighter ease than prior to writing this. That alone opens my door slightly enough to let a sliver of light shine through.